Self Discovery

Sometimes it just starts. You might have been trying to find it unconsciously, without knowing what you were looking for. You were trying things, though you didn't know the goal.

Then a time comes when you start observing yourself. There is a lot happening. Is there any meaning to it or not? Then you try to dig into what and why things are happening. You wonder and start asking yourself why and why not you are doing what you are doing.

You ask thousands of questions. Some get answered, some get forgotten, and some stay unanswered and keep coming back from time to time.

Then comes a stage where you level up from questioning to experimenting.

Sometimes you turn back because you are afraid. Sometimes you get excited just for trying. Sometimes it fails, and you feel guilty for throwing that out, guilty that you miss your comfort zone. But it all gives you some more context and lessons, even a bit of guidance for your next adventure.

Then you meet people. It's either you want to be like them, or they feel like those movie heroes you think you can never be. Or you want to be nothing like them. Or some, you just don't care about.

But in all this journey, there is someone who gets all the questions, imaginations, doubts, and guilt, and that's you.

Deep down, you have come to know you need to change. You want to see yourself somewhere. It's very vague, yet you want to put yourself out there.

So you keep exploring and experimenting more, and this time, on yourself.

You try to figure out what you're capable of, what you really like and hate, what you really enjoy—not out of habit, but, like, for real.

You meet your excuses, bad habits, and doubts. At first, you don't know how to become better than them. Sometimes it feels overwhelming, but you can't just quit. This new, curious identity won't allow you to.

Now you know your potential and can't just waste it.

After some time, you drop some things and start giving all your energy only to some things. You become better at them, but only to find out that there is a whole ocean even in that specific thing.

The overwhelmness and doubt still come with you, but so does the desire to become a better version of yourself.

You try to have a better strategy now, better planning, better time management. And there are some people who notice your change. Some will come to criticize, and some you will find out never cared.

There are those who are trying to do the same, and they genuinely ask for help from you. They admire you and want to change like you.

Once you meet those people, you can't back out.

Now you are one of those people you used to wish to be before.

You have tons of things you haven't figured out yet. You're still struggling, yet your little journey has become someone else's inspiration.

And now, you know you want to do more of that.

Things still get harsh. Vague. You have lots of doubts about whether you're on the right path. Expectations, breakdowns...

But you're not the same as you were last year, or last six months, or even last month.

You look back, and it was a hell of a journey.

And it reminds you that life is all about finding the problems you enjoy dealing with and trying to figure them out.

And life continues.